Sunday, September 28, 2003
3:06 PM
come what may
i decided to blog today. i realised that if i don't blog now.. i may never have the chance to blog anymore. i may just die after promos. im bored. bored of study. bored of being home alone. i need to get my life back. i miss shopping. i miss watching movie. i miss training. yes i do. i miss everything. i miss being normal.
sometimes i really wondered how i survived through my o levels period. if you think im mugging hard now, let me tell you.. i was 1000x more crazy last year... im having pre promos blues now. no wonder many pple say i lack self confidence. do i? maybe... in some ways... i just can't wait for oct 9th to come..
let me list out the things i MUST do after promos:
1) catch up with those whom i've lost contact with for a LONG² time
2) plan for post promos celebrations
3) watch movies!!!!!
4) shopping!!
5) sleep =)
ok.. i must go back to my books now.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
7:38 PM
finally. i convinced my mum to let me drop bio and signed the paper that would change my life. i felt so much lighter this morning as i thought bio would be gone forever from my life. but i was wrong. the teachers did not want me to drop. i was sent for counselling. this is ridiculous. mr heng did the talking. he was right in a way.. i should not have just given up so easily. im just choosing the easy way out. but the thing is.. everytime i look at the bio notes.. all i see is complexity. promos is like in countable days time.. and i have not touched much of bio. im doomed. everyone told me not to flunk bio in purpose. just give it a shot. i tell them... the chances of me failing is very high.. i don't understand a single thing. that's it. the gun is pointing at my head. someone just pull the trigger.
for whatever reasons.. they just didn't wanted me to drop. a few reasons include, 1) i can handle my subjects, 2) E is not a bad grade for bio, 3) keep my options open and 4 ) there is nothing i can do with chem, econs and math. ( though they did not mention it straight to my face). the thing is... it does not feel good when being forced to do something that i do not enjoy doing. im in a state of ambivalence now. i shall talk to my big bro tonight and hear what he says. he is my consultant. my mum was happy that i am still doing bio. im not.
perhaps mr heng is right. maybe a bio teacher has yet to inspire me.
"the mediocre teacher tells. the good teacher explains. the superior teacher demonstrates. the great teacher inspires"
- William Arthur Ward
Sunday, September 21, 2003
8:24 PM
this is bad. im not focusing. promos are just like 10 days away and here i am.. blogging.. when i should be mugging. to be honest, i have not touched bio. haha.. congratulate me. a part of me wants to drop bio.. but sub-conciously im telling myself not to give up on something which i haven't tried hard enough to achieve it. i know i have not tried. and i don't wish to try. my big bro is telling me to just forget about bio. should i really just not touch bio at all? i might as well just not turn up for the paper.
the big match will start in two and a half hours time. i can't wait for it to start. i hope arsenal will win. i want them to win. go henry.. perform ya hat- trick. go lehnmann, get a clean sheet today. man.. if only my 2nd bro here to watch the match with me. but i know, he will be on my side, on arsenal's side.
Saturday, September 20, 2003
1:19 PM
i just saw my 2nd brother off 12 hours ago. his absence was immediately felt. my mum started clearing his room this morning.. the house feels so empty now. man.. tmr is the BIG match. but he's not here to watch with me. only me vs my big bro n my sis in law. i hope arsenal will win. he should be on his way to london now, and he msged me just now when he transited at Dubai. man.. DUBAI!! i MUST go there some day. can't believe my dad still can't take care of himself after 48 years *tsk tsk*. was laughing like mad when my bro told me what happened.
i guess the one who feels the worse now must be my mum. seeing her 2 sons leaving her to pursue their studies. luckily, my big bro now is back for good. but his job takes up like 18 hours of his day.. that sux. i can just not see him for days. but im used to it i guess. home alone for me is never a new thing. i feel so bad. i can't spend time with my mum.. promos is just a week and a half away. i know my mum would wish for me not to go overseas to study. but i really can't see myself going to NUS or NTU or SMU. not that s'pore's education level is low.. but that it's always better to widen our horizons. i wonder what will happen when i leave. she will probably go there with me.
perhaps i should try harder to bring her into my world of thoughts. but then again, i must be able to get into hers first.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
8:15 PM
today my brother tried to tell me about this guy who he thinks is gay and i was like "maybe he is a metrosexual, maybe he is just being friendly, maybe that's just him, maybe..." and my brother told me, "michelle, sometimes you should just learn to believe."
perhaps my brother was right. that guy may be gay for all i care. hmm.. was i being too naive? or was i just trying to defend that guy? well.. i don't really know either. it is not that i don't believe my brother's words, but sometimes, we tend to just believe in what we see and hear, and that we forgot to make our own judgement. i have not seen that guy before, therefore i can't determine whether he's gay.
the reason why illusionist are good at what they do is because they are able to make us see what they want us to see. i went to watch David Copperfield's performance a few years back at the Indoor Stadium. he made a whole group of people disappear, and reapper again. we were amazed and inpressed with his skills. but come to think again, how is that possible? the 20 people sitting in the middle of the stage are tied together. how can they just vanish in thin air?
sometimes, we tend to look at things they way it is and hence results in misjudgement. perhaps we should all try to view things from other angels and observe and appreciate the better side of it.
"the intellect is always fooled by the heart"
Monday, September 15, 2003
12:21 AM
you told me you have something to tell me
and i wondered what it would be.
everytime you winked
i never got your hint.
you finally plucked up your courage
after drowning yourself with Anchorage.
as you took out the ring,
my face turned pink.
you held my hand,
and slotted the band.
my heart skipped,
and it missed a beat.
oh shucks, it couldn't fit!
Saturday, September 13, 2003
5:02 PM
well... what 5 people of different likes and characters are being put together in a deserted island.. what can they do? kill each other? not talk to each other? split the island into 5? the best advice one would give is to work together and find a way out to civilisation.
the 5 people decided that they do not want to be stranded on the island for life and they started building a raft. it started out bumpy.. but they managed to survive past all the differences, disagreements and get moving. (when the going gets tough, the tough gets going eh?) now they are sailing out at sea, there was a shore far away at the other end. throughout the journey, almost all of them do not think they will be able to make it. the raft is splitting, and a few of them started to get panic, trying to do something to salvage it. sad to say, one of them thinks that they will be able to tide through it and doesn't want to help. they are in the middle of the sea now. there's no turning back. none of them wish to drown. they got to find a way home.
so what should they do? no one wants to die, and that guy doesn't want to try. the other 4 has to talk him to senses before the raft is beyond salvation. what should they do?
Thursday, September 11, 2003
11:10 AM
my friend was just telling me about the story of the novel turn left, turn right. and it kept me thinking, how is it possible that 2 people who just live right beside each other for years have never met once in their entire life?
sometimes, we are just too preoccupied with our lives that we neglected the people and things around us. some people just came and left footprints in our lives. whereassome people just walked past us. they are those who enter your life and walk the journey of your life with you. if you pay close attention to your friends, you may see a halo above their heads. someone once said "the best things in life are free." indeed they are. no amount of money could buy us true love, friendship or happiness. these are what we have been all searching for. this is the true meaning of life. to love and to be loved. to forrest gump, life may be like a box of chocolates. to me, living is a gift. that's why we call today the present. be grateful for everyone who's there for you, and be grateful for what you have. always live life to the fullest. it doesn't matter if we found what we are looking for, it is the process that matters, the product is just a bonus.
"there are no strangers in this world, only friends you have not met."
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
7:54 PM
ok... there has been something which i haven't been able to get over with. Agassi was not in US open finals!! Oh man!! Ok.. i must admit that Ferrero is good. He is my number 2 fav tennis player after Agassi. ok.. now i think Federer is not bad. Blake too. US open was exciting.. and it would have been perfect if Agassi had won it. i didn't manage to watch the finals- Ferrero Vs Roddick. still waiting for the replay.. or is it too late now? But im on Ferrero's side. i read the papers today and i found out that he played 4 days consecutively in the rain! poor thing! and they said that he was tired while playing Roddick and had already lost in his serve in the fourth game of the first set. oh man.. that sux. As for the women.. Henin is really good. She's like a mighty mouse on court. (this reminds me of michael owen) can't believe that she won clijsters. i didn't watch that finals either.
oh well.. as you know.. im just a sports freak. a cable without the sports channels is as good as useless. (the movies too!) anw.. i think my math buddy thinks too highly of me. he calls me to ask me formulae. oh man! trust me... im bad at remembering formulae. i was like trying to recall and tell him something. i think he thinks im an idiot now. esp after the other day when he asked me which buses go to bishan stadium. oh!! i just found out from soccernet that Italy thrashed Wales 4-0. Inzaghi (pippo) got a hat-trick!! oh man. Should have watched the match. Go Italy!!
ok... i shall end here. nothing in particular to look forward to. maybe mooncake festival? haha.
12:17 AM
today is really pretty much a perfect day for me. i went to school in the morning for econs lect.. and i almost died there. oh well, at least i did learn something.. so it ain't that bad. and when i was leaving school, i saw diyanah and her class. it was then i realised how early the econs dept made us go back to school. then i went to westmall with szeki, ate tau suan (after a long time), bought some stuffs and went home. i managed to complete chemical kinetics and was rushing to meet my cuz for our movie marathon!
as usual, i was late again. and i was punished. i missed the first few minutes of SWAT!! oh man... i really can't forgive myself for this. then we caught pirates of the caribbean in the evening. it was so good! the thrilling plot of SWAT left us with an adrenaline rush. Secret Weapons and Tatics. dumb title but yet so cool. Pirates was pretty witty and freaky. finally orlando bloom can step out of legolas' shadow. he looks cool in the movie and his character was charming.
after the movie, i went to buy the fossil star watch. it's gorgeous. i really love it. im glad i bought it.. though i felt that it would be better if it was in blue. after the movie marathon, i came home and watched friends and smallville. oh man... my eyes are really tired. i need to rest them. haha. even the weather is on my side. the rain seems to be telling me to go to bed. but i think i should be able to hang on for chemical equilibrium. i have to start mugging.
oh well, let me list out the top 3 movies that i recommend to all of you.
1) The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
2) S.W.A.T
3) Pirates of the Caribbean
Thursday, September 04, 2003
10:36 PM
finally the pracs are over. but this also means that promos is drawing nearer. oh man. oh well.. bio prac is BAD. the iodine test was frustrating, and the extract is absolutely disgusting. i was sitting at the corner of the lab, without any ventilation. sweat beads was trickling down my forehead as i tried very hard to spot a difference between my test with the hand lens. i swear the results appear the same to me. no matter how many times i repeated my experiment, the iodine solution always turns blue black. oh well. enough of that testings, i went on to the next part. MICROSCOPY. of all things... microscopy. and the worse part was the topic was on NUCLEAR DIVISION. oh THANK YOU. i think i just lost 18 marks. i don't even see a difference. so i just faked up something and drew telophase and cytokinesis. and then as i move the slide, i saw anaphase. it was ugly. i think i will just fail bio without a doubt. maybe i will just get a zero.
chem was slightly better. though i have no confidence in my answers at all. ok.. i just found out my calculations are wrong. haiz... how. oh well.. whatever. it's over. after prac.. we went to watch legally blonde 2. it was super bimbotic. if i paid $8.50 for the movie, i would have just felt so cheated. i think next time, my ambition is to be a movie critic. then i can combine my hobby and my job. i LOVE to watch movies. i think i can set the record for the person who watch the most movies in one year. oh yar... talking about record.. you won't believe this. my classmate just watched her 3rd movie in her ENTIRE life. *clap clap* she is the ultimate man.
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
10:40 PM
this blog is dedicated to the one and only diyanah with the "h" in my life
this is a story that i always tell my friends when they are feeling down.
one day =( looked sad. =) went up to him and ask him why. but =( just kept quiet. so =) told him, "whenever you are feeling sad, just smile, everything would be just fine." =) a smile is a curve that sets all things straight.
there's always a point in life when we are in a identity crisis, and we question the meaning of life and our presence in this world. suddenly we realised that we are in a world of our own, and that everyone are just passing by in ya life, nobody bothers to stop down and stay beside you. but have you ever wondered, probably it's because you are going too fast? we tend to overlook certain things. slow down and look around, you would realise that there have been many people who are beside you supporting you.
you think that you are climbing the mountain by yourself. but in actual fact, ya friends are all supporting you, cheering you on. they are with you through this difficult period, but don't forget, you must still put in the effort to climb the mountain. ya mind is a powerful object, do not underestimate it. winners never quit and quitters never win.
"do not walk behing me, coz i may not lead. do not walk in front of me, coz i may not follow. walk beside me and be my friend." *hugz*
Monday, September 01, 2003
3:25 PM
promo's prac is just 2 days away.. and i was just wondering if i should just mug the 4 subs or prepare for prac since everyone seems pretty nervous about it. but i can't really do much.. j1's prac is not very similar to O levels. i remembered how we used to memorise all the different types of reagents and the characteristics of the gases.. and how i pracitse drawing all kinds of fruits and plants. the stupid thing is.. i learn how to draw banana, apple, hibicus.. everything but the trans section of a pea plant. that cost me my prelims practical.
im not exactly very nervous about promos.. but rather the time factor. im even thinking of not mugging bio. that's bad.. coz if that's the case.. i might as well just not turn up for that paper. you won't believe this... i didn't even bother buying the bio tys. im the best right? i was just recalling my secondary school days and i realised that the time when i really really freaked out was during my sec 3 end of year examination. i was afraid that i couldn't get promoted. not that my results sux.. but that i was afraid that i would screw the exams... like what i did in sec2 (i studied. really. but whatever came out in that paper was not found in the textbook.)
the other day.. mdm tham was just scaring us that in order to PASS the bio promos.. we must at least know our stuffs well.. oh great.. i suck at bio. the best part is that the school is now rushing through organic chem.. an average of 2 lectures for each section. i wonder who actually understood the lecturer. what's the point of rushing? i think jc system is a screw up. first... we wasted 3 months waiting for our results.. then comes the SARS break... and next the terms.. n the SECOND terms.. n the rushing of topics... n not to forget PW... n then promos, which has to be brought forward since A levels is brought forward. whatever that could not be taught finished in j1 would be pushed to j2.. then everything is crampped within half a year.. then to our SUPER EARLY PRELIMS... then A levels. this is nonsensical. i rather jc is 2 1/2 years with PROPER teaching and revision.
oh well.. since so many batches are able to survive pass that and get that 4 As like nobody's business.. i guess the moe probably thinks that there's isn't a problem and that also explains the revision of syllabus.. oh i meant the addition to syllabus.